“Self-observation aims to create enough internal space to really watch—with fresh eyes and adequate distance—what you are thinking, feeling and doing in your everyday life,” Beatrice Chestnut, The Complete Enneagram.
As many young boys do, Terrance idolized his father. As a six-year-old, he tagged along with his dad every chance he got.
One day dad was in the garage working on the family car. Terrance was amazed how dad could turn bolts, connect wires and replace parts.
Terrance clung as close to dad as possible, wanting to take in as much of dad’s mechanical expertise as possible. Whenever dad stepped back, he nearly tripped over Terrance.
Dad grew frustrated and impatient.
“Get me the 5/8 crescent wrench,” dad barked at Terrance, more to get the kid off his back than wanting his help.
Terrance was thrilled. He was actually going to get to hold one of dad’s prized tools.
But he was also terrified. Terrance had no idea what a 5/8 crescent wrench was, much less looked like.
Terrance ran to dad’s tool box. It was full of screwdrivers, wrenches, pliers and sockets.
“Which one is the 5/8 crescent wrench?” Terrance wondered as panic began coursing through his body.
“Hurry up!” dad yelled.
In desperation, Terrance grabbed the biggest tool he could find—a long screwdriver—and trepidly handed it to his dad.
“This isn’t a 5/8 crescent wrench!!! How stupid are you? Get out of the garage and go in the house with your mom!” dad exploded as he threw the screwdriver at the toolbox.
When we are first learning about self-awareness, we can feel like Terrance. We don’t know what we’re looking for.
We’re six years old—insecure, uncertain and lost.
It’s easier to just go back to old habits.
The Enneagram provides us a guide to help us identify the tools in our toolbox—those patterns of beliefs, emotions and behavior that combine to create our personality structure.
Undetected, these patterns keep us stuck in self-defeating strategies of living.
For example, the Enneagram reveals the unique core needs that set in motion the construction of the specific personality Types of the Enneagram system:
· Type 1: The need to be perfect
· Type 2: The need to be needed
· Type 3: The need to succeed/perform
· Type 4: The need to be special/unique
· Type 5: The need to perceive/understand
· Type 6: The need to sure, certain, secure
· Type 7: The need to avoid pain or discomfort
· Type 9: The need to avoid conflict and anger
Once we know what we are looking for, we gain increasing awareness how these needs shape our beliefs, feelings and behavior. The more we see, the more equipped we are to move toward transformation.
We cannot change what do not see.
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