“The Enneagram’s greatest gift to us is growth—and not growth in the capitalistic, productivity-metric sense, but growth more in the sense of thriving and flourishing” (Abi Robins, The Conscious Enneagram).
As highlighted in the previous post, the transformative work of the Enneagram is rooted in our inherent value and sacredness. Transformation is the process of discovering and becoming more and more who we truly are.
Often, transformation is steeped in a framework of pathology and focusses on fixing what’s broken in our lives. We believe that the person we want to be doesn’t exist and we have to try our hardest to create that person from scratch.
But what if transformation is not so much inventing as it is remembering?
Transformation is the ongoing process of remembering who we truly are. It’s noticing how we forget and abandon our true self. It’s recognizing the ineffective and self-defeating patterns we create to compensate for what we’ve forgotten.
Transformation is remembering and returning home to our true core and essence.
The Enneagram provides pathways to be the truest expression of who we were created to be. The Enneagram provides us profoundly accurate and effective insights to remembering our true selves.
In doing so, the Enneagram opens the pathways to liberating transformation.
One of the arguments often used against the Enneagram and other personality typing systems is, “I don’t want to be put in a box!”
Fair enough. No one wants to be boxed in. That is dehumanizing.
However, the Enneagram gently reminds us that we’ve been living in a box all our life. We just haven’t been aware. The Enneagram simply turns the light on so we can see our box for what it is.
Once we see, transformation begins.
One piece of transformation through remembering that the Enneagram provides us is the lost childhood messages of each Enneagram Type.
Don Risso and Russ Hudson identify the lost childhood messages that each type experiences. These are the affirmations and validations we were designed to receive from loving caregivers, but, for a variety of reasons, we missed or lost.
Either they were never given to us. Or, cumulative life experiences of loss, trauma and faulty thinking overwhelmed these messages and they were forgotten.
Each Type finds its way to compensate for those lost messages and this forms the framework of each particular Enneagram structure. Here’s a brief rundown:
Type 1: The lost childhood message is, “You are good.” The resulting structure is, “It’s not okay to make mistakes. I must be good and get it right in order to be loved and safe.”
Type 2: The lost childhood message is, “You are wanted.” The resulting structure is, “It’s not okay to have my own needs. I must focus on others and meet their needs in order to be loved and belong.”
Type 3: The lost childhood message is, “You are loved for yourself.” The resulting structure is, “It’s not okay to have my own identity and feelings. I have to meet others’ expectations of me and perform up to their expectations in order to be loved and valued.”
Type 4: The lost childhood message is, “You are seen for who you are.” The resulting structure is, “It’s not okay to be too functional or too happy. I won’t be noticed for who I am because I’m flawed. I must find other ways to be noticed and understood. I must be unique.”
Type 5: The lost childhood message is, “Your needs are not a problem.” The resulting structure is, “It’s not okay to be comfortable in the world. I must prepare myself with information and skills in order to be competent and prepared to meet the world’s demands.”
Type 6: The lost childhood message is, “You are safe.” The resulting structure is, “It’s not okay to trust yourself. I must find someone or something outside myself to identify with in order to be safe. I must have a plan for all potential dangers and problems.”
Type 7: The lost childhood message is, “You will be taken care of.” The resulting structure is, “It’s not okay to depend on anything or anyone. I must seek out all options that promise me what I want and need.”
Type 8: The lost childhood message is, “You will not be betrayed.” The resulting structure is, “It’s not okay to vulnerable or trust anyone. I must be strong and independent. I must protect myself and others from being dominated. It’s up to me.”
Type 9: The lost childhood message is, “Your presence matters.” The resulting structure is, “It’s not okay to assert yourself. I’m not that important. I must go along to get along and make sure others feel important.”
Transformation begins by remembering our lost childhood message.
As we embrace the truth of this message, we can let go of the lies that replaced them. We remember who we truly are, and we begin to feel, believe and act accordingly.
Transformation unfolds like a blooming flower.
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