“If we have the courage to be honest with ourselves about the things we know we do, the things we avoid knowing we do, and the adaptive strategies that ultimately limit us . . . If we can recognize the Shadow cast by our personality, consciously bear the suffering we normally defend against, and accept all of who we are, we can open up endless possibilities for ourselves.” Beatrice Chestnut, The Complete Enneagram.
Once we discover the amazingly accurate and powerful system we call the Enneagram, the next obvious question becomes, “What do we do with it? What’s the next step?”
Learning about the Enneagram is only the first step.
It’s not until we apply its wisdom and insight, allowing them to impact our thoughts, feelings and behaviors, have we reaped the benefits of its transformative potential.
Only then do we begin realizing Chestnut’s vision, the “endless possibilities for ourselves.”
Where do we start?
Change always begins with awareness. We start by seeing and acknowledging our current reality.
We must gain awareness of ourselves, our interior and exterior world.
· Awareness of what we think, assume and believe.
· Awareness of what we feel and don’t feel.
· Awareness of our adaptive strategies—what they are, how they work and when they kick in.
· Awareness of our behaviors and actions.
· Awareness of the impact of our behaviors and actions.
· Awareness of our body—our physical sensations, where we feel them and what our bodies are telling us.
· Awareness if we are safe, secure, loved, belong and have what we need.
· Awareness of what we do when our needs are not being met.
· Awareness of what we do to meet those needs.
The challenge most all of us face is operating on autopilot. We feel, think and act reactively and habitually. Our instincts kick in and life happens with little or no self-awareness.
Awareness entails creating space to observe ourselves. We must slow down enough to see ourselves in action and witness our habitual patterns.
Viktor Frankl, who survived the horrors of concentration camps during the Holocaust, stated, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
This space, or the pause, allows us a chance to turn our inner observer on.
For me, a regular practice of quiet reflection where I focus on my breathing is an effective to gain awareness. I sit quietly, back straight and feet on the floor. I either close my eyes or gaze softly as I place my attention on my breath.
I consciously follow my breath as far down as I can take it: into my chest, abdomen and down to my lower gut. After several deep breaths and slow exhales, I settle into regular breathing.
I imagine turning on a light bulb in my belly and observing what I see. I ask myself:
· What do I feel? I name the specific emotions and feelings.
· What do these feelings feel like in my body? Where do I feel them in my body?
· What kind of thoughts do these feelings create? How do my thoughts amplify or relieve my feelings?
· Are there feelings that I am avoiding? As an Enneagram Nine, one feeling I’m prone to avoid is anger, so I focus specifically on this. I’ll ask, “Is there something going on in my life that normal people would feel angry about, but I’m avoiding or downplaying?”
· What behaviors and habits do I notice? Are there any that I’d be wise to address?
· Are there any self-care actions and disciplines I am neglecting? Are there any that it would behoove me to be more intentional with?
I’ve discovered that as I’ve established this morning practice, I am able to access awareness more readily throughout the day. For example, in times of heightened anxiety and stress—say an intense conversation—I am able to remember to pause, focus on my breath and get grounded in my body.
Doing so doesn’t make the circumstances disappear. But it does help me be more in tune with myself and access my strength, courage and wisdom. I show up with my better self in the situation.
And transformation unfolds.
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